There is a time when a child always says “No!” to almost everything.
It is when s/he is about 2 to 3 years old.
S/he says “No!” 50,000 times a day and “By myself!” once 5 seconds.
The period is said significant for children; they start to find themselves, realize what they like, and recognize their own existences (then of the others.)
Also, they begin to equip the ability to live in a society by finding what they can do by themselves and can count on others.
The thing is, a significant time means a terrible time.
It should be a terrible time for those children themselves who struggle to find new things.
However, it is actually an awful time for parents who live in a busy schedule.
Those children keep saying “No!” towards everything and any offers from us.
It is sometimes complicated for parents to find solutions to get things moved.
Then, the children suddenly get crazy angry when things don’t turn out the way they want.
They often cry loudly by screaming, “I wanted to do it by myself!!!!!!!!!”
Especially it is hard for parents to wait for children when they have to handle a busy schedule.
As written in a parenting book, we should smile, praise, and listen carefully to what children want and try to achieve.
Still, we often have no room in our heart and feel like crying by screaming, “So what should I do????????”
This kind of back-and-forth continues almost for a year…
So it is described as “a devil-like 2-year-old” in Japanese, and I learned there is an exact expression in English, too, as “the terrible twos.”
What a universal.
What world peace.
Parenting connects people!!
Well, my second boy is precisely in this “the terrible twos” period right now.
He often gets rough daily, and we call him “Monster Jibun-gaa.” (Jibun=self, Ga=a postpositional article, “Jibun ga” means “I do blah blah.”)
I also struggle with my adorable boy rolling my eyes back…
Then, just a thought, these “No!” and “By myself!” are powerful desires of children to be independent, which are the ability and position they want to win.
I wonder if we adults thoroughly enjoy the independence we won as hard as possible.
I believe most people had gained pleasure from being independent or being adults simply when they were teenagers.
You had got freedom of choice and enjoyed it.
For example, you enjoyed watching a favorite TV program, buying favorite snacks, doing a part-time job, finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend, dating, and staying late at night.
It should have been a simple pleasure to work and get money.
It should have been a simple pleasure to live alone or together with someone.
We should have found it a pleasure to choose and do it by ourselves.
Should not we have lost this quite simple mechanism of life to feel happy at some point?
Someone should solve this.
I want someone to do that.
I do not want to consume much energy to do it by myself.
I can not be bothered.
Whatever.
…etc.
We seem to have lost enthusiasm for doing something ourselves; instead, we tend to leave it to others regarding our lives or works.
Nevertheless, we can live anyway.
Is it like self-driving without program updates, isn’t it?
On the other hand, it reminds me of some people who keep the mind of “Monster Jibun-gaa” (mentioned above!) when they grow up.
Good examples are those defined as entrepreneurs and researchers; they are often described as keeping a childlike spirit.
I have somehow understood it is the ability or nature to do what they love that someone keeps a childlike spirit.
However, now I think it is also an essential element of a youthful enthusiasm that being independent or finding the joy of doing something by themselves.
Thinking back about my career, the workplaces with positive energy were often filled with those self-reliant people.
It is not a quality limited to a particular profession or position but of each person.
And a team will be energetic if members with childlike spirit gather.
Perhaps, is it precisely what we should call pride?
It probably applies to so-called civic activities, too.
Suppose our society (community) becomes stagnant. In that case, it might be because each member or citizen already loses their mind or pride in being independent and doing something by themselves.
If we seem to live energetically, it is the condition that we use our energy towards doing something by ourselves.
Live energetically.
Because children live energetically, we see them as lovable.
We want to support them.
And, thus, we are encouraged and soothed by them.
It is not only because they are simply sweet.
From that perspective, my ordinary days are also the results of every step I have made by myself.
So, as long as I live everyday life with an awareness of self-reliance, it means that I am lively.
Then, it is not lazy to relax on the sofa and watch K-drama with Netflix as long as I have positive intent, “Yes, it’s me to decide watch this drama now!!”
It is precious to find our own passion, energy, or decision in our everyday life, even a little.
If everyone lives like that, we can exchange our support and love as we naturally do towards children.
The cycle generates energy in us, the community, or society.
Today, too.
My son cried out by screaming, “I wanted to do it by myself,” at the door, complaining that I helped him to get his socks off.
OK, I will respect his pride.
And I hope that he keeps the spirit from now on.
For that, I want to be a grown-up who enjoys the independence existing here, now.
I am watching the origin of liveliness every day through my son.
I have found the cycle of liveliness, then.