I have been thinking of doing something creative and leave such things worth of sensibility; however, the desire seems not to be something I can live by, so I have been wandering between the want and the reality.
Meanwhile, I turned to be in my 40s.
Concurrently, I quit my job or leaving a career, which is a long story, and I happened to be in the chaos of covid-19.
I was disappointed with my decision and felt hopeless about my future.
The 40s…
You are not young anymore when you look back. But you are still young when you look ahead.
I feel like losing the spirit; however, I have little skills to do everything in an automated mode.
I feel like simply going down; however, I have a role or responsibility to take care of meals.
In the end, I lead a regular life.
I am giving up splendors to be somebody; however, I am satisfied with my modest life.
I, as a woman who starts her 40s, my experiences are full of ambivalence.
How am I going the way towards the end, only away from “the most beautiful time of life?”
How can I deal with uncertain lives with emotional and physical changes?
Then, it suddenly hits me that I have never talked about such topics with someone. Also, it’s not an easy topic to talk about with anyone.
Why am I so ignorant in this area?
Why I haven’t encountered any books, movies, mangas, or music dealing with such changes?
Do such creatives not exist, hide, or simply not found?
While I have been thinking such things, I have realized a thing; My hesitance, confusion, and the situation itself are humorous and lovable. Every moment and every emotion I experience is the most beautiful moment of life from time to time.
Regardless of the fact s/he is well-known or unknown, the life of one human is like art or entertainment. It is like creative work.
So I decided to record my life here.
It is not crucial if the work is of worth or not.
I will devote myself to meet and observe unknown me and record every me.
With favorite languages, words, voice, photos…and anything I want to express such experiences and feelings.
It will only be my little pleasure in the future.
And I hope it will also be someone else’s.